LIFESTYLE

My favorite recipes, crafts, inspiration and everything in between.

12 Days of Vintage Christmas | Suck it This Christmas

12 Days of Vintage Christmas | Suck it This Christmas

On the eleventh day of Christmas

You got to clean the house! Lucky you!
Okay okay, I know that vacuum cleaners were super fancy luxury items, and that sweeping the house is hard work, but as a Christmas gift?!
I guess at least it wasn’t for Valentines Day.

Seriously though the tiny vacuum cleaner model designed as a subtle hint for your husband is just hilarious. It’s so cute!

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Just be grateful we got through this post without me making jokes about things that suck… well apart from that one in the title.

With style and sass,

                   Velvet

Hey! If this wasn’t enough festive cheer for you there’s a link to all twelve days on this post!

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by velvetdecollete in LIFESTYLE, OTHER, 1 comment
12 Days of Vintage Christmas | Weighing In on the Subject

12 Days of Vintage Christmas | Weighing In on the Subject

On the ninth day of Christmas

Someone thought bathroom scales were an appropriate gift…
At Christmas…
When we all eat too much and lie around like beached whales…

Either it’s a hint to lay off the pavlova or someone just doesn’t have a clue. They’re bound to be receiving a festive slap after this ( or end up cooking their own Christmas dinner! )

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However if you are down for weight watching and healthy choices this festive season, don’t worry, Green Giant Peas has your back! Look how cute that pea pod wreath is. Mmmm veges from a tin.
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With style and sass,

                   Velvet

Hey! If this wasn’t enough festive cheer for you, there’s a link to all 12 days on this post.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by velvetdecollete in LIFESTYLE, OTHER, 0 comments
12 Days of Vintage Christmas | Stocking Seams and Santa

12 Days of Vintage Christmas | Stocking Seams and Santa

On the eighth day of Christmas

Mojud provided stockings with Magic-Motion and spring back knit! We all love stockings, but with that tree apparently being a bit grabby, I wouldn’t want my new back seams anywhere near it!
She seems blissfully unaware that pervy santa can see straight up her skirt… which is odd, considering she’s reaching past it to grab her presents. Maybe it was all part of her cunning plan to get two?

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Hey Santa, stop being a perv. It’s weird enough that you’re breaking into people’s houses as it is.
Not that I’d say no to a couple of pairs of stockings, I like Pretty Polly’s, how about you?

With style and sass,

                   Velvet DeCollete

Hey! If this wasn’t enough festive cheer for you, there’s a link to all 12 days on this post.

Posted by velvetdecollete in LIFESTYLE, OTHER, 1 comment
12 Days of Vintage Christmas | A Sticky Situation

12 Days of Vintage Christmas | A Sticky Situation

On the seventh day of Christmas

Don’t forget you can use Scotch Tape for anything! Taping cards to walls, trimming kids fringes, or spelling ‘DICK’ in big letters on gifts. Just in case you didn’t know who it’s for, it’s for the dick, I mean for Dick. Yup.

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Don’t tape things to your walls this Christmas. Unless you’re redecorating next year, in which case go crazy – you don’t need that paint anyway.

With Style and Sass,

                   Velvet

Hey! If this wasn’t enough festive cheer for you, there’s a link to all 12 days on this post.

 

 

 

 

Posted by velvetdecollete in LIFESTYLE, OTHER, 0 comments
12 Days of Vintage Christmas | Beer With Me

12 Days of Vintage Christmas | Beer With Me

On the sixth day of Christmas

I’m not sure what’s going on here.
She’s rubbing decorations on her face while eyeing up a beer?
She’s sick of this shit already and that beer is the best darn thing she’s seen all day?
Wait I know that look,
She’s out of setting lotion and Nana said you can use beer instead. Holiday hair saved!

 

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Don’t judge her, we’ve all been there. The vintage hair styling pain is real.

With style and sass,

                  Velvet

Hey! If this wasn’t enough festive cheer for you there’s a link to all twelve days on this post.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by velvetdecollete in LIFESTYLE, OTHER, 0 comments

12 Days of Vintage Christmas | Disney Aluminum for Everyone!

On the fourth day of Christmas

We all went crazy for Reynolds Aluminum. So shiny, it’s basically jewellery.
Having said that, Donald has a TV with a handle. Who needs an Ipad now? Not Donald.

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Does anyone else feel like Minnie is  a little too happy with that big pink fridge. She’s very red in the face, and she’s stroking it. Maybe I should have called this The 12 Weirdly Sexual Vintage Ads of Christmas.
Maybe I’m just filthy?

Both. it’s probably both.

 

With style and sass,

                   Velvet

Hey! If this wasn’t enough festive cheer for you there’s a link to all twelve days on this post.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by velvetdecollete in LIFESTYLE, OTHER, 1 comment
12 Days of Vintage Christmas | Nothing Does It Like Seven-up?

12 Days of Vintage Christmas | Nothing Does It Like Seven-up?

On the third day of Christmas

Thinly veiled sexual innuendo aside, he’s feeding her cocktail sausages without tomato sauce. No deal Casanova, no deal.
At least the Seven-Up crate is wearing protection in the form of a cute cellophane wrap with a bow, just in case you didn’t know it was Christmas.

 

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I got nothing. I’m still stuck on “nothing does it like Seven-up”. It sounds more like an ad for overly masculine body spray than a carbonated beverage.

With style and sass,

                   Velvet

Hey! If this wasn’t enough festive cheer for you there’s a link to all twelve days on this post.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by velvetdecollete in LIFESTYLE, OTHER, 0 comments
12 Days of Vintage Christmas | Flying Silverware Anyone?

12 Days of Vintage Christmas | Flying Silverware Anyone?

On the second day of Christmas

Let’s face it, when we’re in love we all dream about flying silverware. Apparently enough for a table of twelve, oh and preferably in the new white orchid design because that’s what Mrs Jones down the road has.

No wonder she looks like she’s about to cry.

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Don’t get me wrong, cutlery is great. Especially pretty cutlery. But if it’s a gift from my lover it better be singing ‘Be My Guest’ and dancing with a sexy feather duster.

I’ll take one of the retro mint coloured benchtop mixers though. Those are rad.
What’s your homewares unicorn? (if you say a glittery aqua benchtop mixer we’re gonna be BFF’s ).

Festively yours,

                   Velvet

Hey! If this isn’t enough festive cheer for you, there’s a link to all twelve days on this post.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by velvetdecollete in LIFESTYLE, OTHER, 0 comments
12 Days of Vintage Christmas | Festive Sheer?

12 Days of Vintage Christmas | Festive Sheer?

Introducing *drumroll please*

12 days of Vintage Christmas!

In the form of my favourite ridiculous print ads from the 1950’s and 60’s , one every day from now til Christmas day.

Because nothing makes me feel festive like cheesily marketed Christmas beer and knowing my husband will never gift me a vacuum cleaner.
So without further ado …

On the first day of Christmas

Be his Christmas star! In sheer lingerie and silky siren gowns, because this Christmas he’s giving you the gift  he wants to unwrap later. ( also because it’s day one and you gotta werk it before those mince pies hit your thighs ).

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Seriously though, I would actually love anything from a Frederick’s of Hollywood catalogue. That gold dress is bangin’.

With style and sass,

                   Velvet DeCollete

Hey! If this isn’t enough festive cheer for you, there’s a link to all twelve days on this post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by velvetdecollete in LIFESTYLE, OTHER, 0 comments